


cowardice and confessions

by faithandfelicity (sunnybunnyboo)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M, Sad Ending, anyway yeah enjoy, idk I don't think so but ehh, idk man how do I tag, kinda sad, past markmin, past markno, past marknomin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:59:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28549758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunnybunnyboo/pseuds/faithandfelicity
Summary: mark, jeno, jaemin and the words they left behind.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Mark Lee, Lee Jeno/Mark Lee/Na Jaemin, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Mark Lee/Na Jaemin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	cowardice and confessions

"I'm leaving for Canada tomorrow. The flight is really early so don't bother sending me off."Jeno was shocked, Mark had dropped the bomb on them out of the blue in the morning. His bags were already packed and ready in the doorway. If Jaemin and Jeno thought that he was bringing far too much for what they thought would be a week-long trip at most, they didn't say anything. 

"Oh! To visit your friends ? How long will you be gone ?"

"I...I don't know. I don't know if I'm coming back."

Mark visibly faltered, knowing full well he wasn't planning on coming back at all, but not being able to find it in himself to hurt the two people he loved most like that. If Jaemin's heart sank at that, he was fairly sure Mark didn't notice, stuck in trying to keep a neutral front. 

"What? Your job starts next month though ?" 

"I got an offer in Canada, remember?"

"Huh- You said you would stay here?" A prominent frown was forming on Jaemin's face. Jeno had stopped talking, choosing instead to stand back and monitor the situation, prepared to step in when necessary. 

"I changed my mind. There's nothing keeping me here anymore." Mark's tone of nonchalance was a dagger in Jaemin's already shattering heart. Jeno had put his arm around Jaemin's waist, in a way shielding him from hurt. 

The three of them stood in that doorway, Jaemin in Jeno's arms on one side, Mark clutching his luggage on the other. The silence only seemed to ring louder in their ears, becoming almost deafening. 

Mark turned to leave, a grimace on his face.

"Jeno. Me." Jaemin broke the silence, his voice hardly louder than a whisper. "Are we not reason enough for you to stay? We love you, and you love us. Is that not reason enough for you to stay here? You said you would. You said you'd stay. You said you loved us. You loved me and him and so you'd stay. You said so. Were you lying then?"

In that moment, Mark swore he could feel his heart drop to his stomach. Seeing Jaemin, his ever strong Jaemin, the same Jaemin who would keep and keep and keep until he broke, seeing his Jaemin so vulnerable and hurt, it pained him. It was his fault and he so greatly wanted to turn back, to apologise and deny everything and keep his promise to them; but Jeno's expression was anything but friendly, it was the one expression he never thought he would receive from the younger. 

He could see tears forming in Jaemin's eyes— in _both_ of their eyes— and to think that it was his doing made his heart heavy. He wanted to run over and embrace them both in his arms, assure them that he wasn't going anywhere, but he was. He had to go, if only to guard his own heart. If he stayed, there was no telling what would happen to them. If his family didn't get them first, his commitment issues would. 

He figured the earlier he left, the less time they'd have to get attached, the easier it'd be for them to live separate lives. So even though it stung unbearably, he steeled himself and uttered words he never wanted to imagine he would have to say.

"I _don't_. I don't love you and I could never love you. You're nothing to me, you _don't_ matter and maybe if you got that into that thick skull of yours, we could move on with our merry—" Jeno had crossed the short distance between them in the blink of a eye, his first finding its way to Mark's cheek. _That's gonna bruise badly._ Mark brought his hand to his cheek, feeling a slight wetness on his cheekbone, probably a cut from the ring the younger was wearing.

"Say one more word. One more word, I dare you." Jeno was fuming now, his eyebrows furrowed and his chest heaving. Jaemin had his arms around Jeno's shoulders, stopping him from approaching Mark again. His being hurt didn't void his care for the older. Besides, he had never been one to tolerate violence. 

"You're a coward." 

Mark could only stare at Jaemin in shock, eyes blown wide and mouth hanging open. He agreed, oh he _wholeheartedly_ agreed, but he never thought Jaemin of all people would be the one to call him that. 

"Stop staring at me like that. You're a coward and you know it. You're scared and so are we." The more Jaemin spoke, the more he felt like breaking down. He never wanted to hurt any of the people he loved, especially not Mark and Jeno. 

"We're scared...b-but—" Jaemin's chest heaved with a sigh, he was so incredibly close to the edge. He could feel the tears prickling at the back of his eyes. 

Jeno, as he always does, senses this and continues after Jaemin, his arm going back around Jaemin's waist and drawing circles on Jaemin's arm. 

"We know you're scared. We are too, but we promised that we would face our fears together. We promised to be there for each other and now you're running away—don't try to argue, you know it's true. _Please_ , hyung, just tell us what's wrong. We'll face this together." By the time he finished, Jeno's eyes were brimming with tears threatening to spill over.

Mark could only look down and avoid their gazes. He had nothing to say, what else was there to say when they had already figured it out? He so desperately wanted to believe in Jeno's words. He wanted to believe they could face it together, they could stay together and be safe and happy. He wanted to believe it so badly, but he knew better. he knew that his going back to Canada was the only way to make sure his family left Jeno and Jaemin alone. He would have to sacrifice his freedom, and his immediate happiness, but if it meant the two people he loved the most in this world would be safe, he was willing to do anything. If he had to antagonise himself, then so be it. As long as Jeno and Jaemin were safe. 

With that in mind, he could only mutter a soft apology, turning to leave before he could catch the crestfallen looks that dawned on their faces. He didn't think he'd be able to leave if he saw those.

While leaving he hoped that those two words were able to convey he wanted to say to them. In that "I'm sorry." was a regretful apology, a solemn thank you, a melancholy goodbye and a final confession. He didn't doubt that Jeno and Jaemin would be able to catch on to the unspoken words he left lingering in the space between them—They had always been able to communicate well, without the need for verbal statements, he didn't reckon this time would be any different. 

Offering to the wind one last whispered confession of love, he prayed for it to carry it to the two beautiful boys he had left heartbroken back in that apartment. He prayed for their hearts to heal, for their lives to resume without him in it. He didn't think he needed to, because the two of them had always had a special connection anyway. A connection that he felt would allow them to heal without him. They had never needed him, and he would learn to make do without them.

**Author's Note:**

> heyheyhey it's been a hot minute since I posted anything here anyway have this fun little baby fic I hope u liked it thanks for reading <33


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